


Liking, Missing

by SuperImposed



Series: Discoveries [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempted Rape, Gen, M/M, No Sex, Other, Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-12
Packaged: 2017-10-22 04:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperImposed/pseuds/SuperImposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part three of the Discoveries series, in which Karkat and Equius mull over feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Karkat: Make it home.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you don’t know what to think any more.

You stumble into your hive, miraculously able to avoid any more confrontations on your way home. There’s your lusus, scrabbling over and clicking with worried excitement. “It’s fine,” you tell him, weary to the bone, as he checks your injuries. “There’s no....no more witnesses.” Except for the one you couldn’t deal with if you needed to. What a lovely fucking situation.

The giant crab, unaccountably gentle, helps you out of your clothes and into the ablution trap. Maybe you can soak the articles and have Kanaya fix them? No, they’re probably trash now. One missed stain and....

You slump into the tub, hands slipping into your hair. Fuck. Kanaya finding out would have been a lot better....wouldn’t it? But no, it was that bloodist snob.....who saved your life. Kept you from getting raped. Fuck.

He didn’t seem....angry, at all. Not with you. If anything his rage seemed directed outward - at what, the hemospectrum? Normally the thought would provoke a bitter laugh from you, but now....

You slip your hands over your wounds, blood diluting in the cooling water. Yep. Still bright-fucking-cull-me-red. There’s no way he would have missed that, even with those stupid sunglasses on.

So why the fuck did he help you?

Realizing you’re going to gain neither sleep nor answers tonight, you sigh and slip further into the water.


	2. Equius: Return to your hive

Your name is Equius Zahhak and you don’t know what to think any more.

You carefully pull open the door of your castlehive, noble Aurthour striding forward with a fresh towel. You gladly take it and mop your face, dripping after the events of the night. Your sincerely hope that Vantas made it home safely. Never before would such a thought crossed your mind, but now...

Even with your eyes open, you can still see him there, huddled into a tiny ball against rough brick, illegally bright red splashing down his face and side, golden eyes huge and wide with terror.

It makes you feel sick.

It shouldn’t. He is a mutant, not even on the hemospectrum, lower than the lowest rustblood.

And yet.

You sigh and allow Aurthour to collect your garments, trotting off to clean them. Good lusus. Best butler.

You stride into the hygieneblock, carefully spinning the taps until hot water spills onto your frame. As you wash, you consider things.

You disobeyed the direct order of a highblood. You killed someone above you and another not far below in one action. To save a troll who should not exist.

So why do you feel no regret?

You sigh as you realize none of your confusion will be cleared tonight.


	3. Checking Up

You dry off and carefully bandage yourself, hiding any hint of color. Still probably not a good idea to leave your hive for a few nights.

You eye your recuperacoon - the same one you’ve had since wigglerhood, fucking late pupation - and wonder if you could manage a few hours. Probably not. As exhausted as you feel, the injury, as always, makes you too self-conscious. The anxiety would keep you up even if the pain didn’t.

Whatever. You’ve gone days without sleep before. You decide that it’s an ideal time to marathon some romcoms you haven’t seen in a while; as the machine is booting up, you check for any waiting messages on your husktop. Probably not, since it’s almost morning and what the fuck.

You stare at the dark blue for about a minute before responding.

CT: D --> Vantas  
CT: D --> Did you make it home  
CG: YEAH, I’M FUCKING FINE.  
CG: THANKS FOR WORRYING OVER ME LIKE A FUCKING CLUCKBEAST LUSUS, NOW GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> I’m glad  
CG: WHAT

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 4:13

CG: FUCK.

You stare numbly at the screen. Perhaps that was uncalled for. Still, a little of the pressure in your chest eases as the sight of the gray text and copious profanity.

You ease your fingers off the keyboard and turn the computer off. He’s right, it’s getting rather early and you should go sleep.

Hmmm. He essentially gave you an order there, didn’t he?

Oh, fiddlesi%. You’re going to need another shower.


	4. Blackrom, redrom?

You decide to ignore the weird message and the weirder feelings it sends roiling through you. A blackromcom plays as loud as you can without pissing off your neighbors - someone barging in on you right now is not something you could handle - and helps drown out your thoughts. You’re almost relaxed, about to forget about the ordeal, when you pop in a movie you haven’t seen in sweeps.

It’s actually very well written, tugging at the heartstrings - not that you’re crying or anything, don’t be stupid - but then the second romantic pairing is introduced.

You stare at the screen as the black-crushing highblood saves his hate interest from a sleazy seadweller - okay, those fins are _totally_ taped on. The lowblood troll comes up to his saviour and plants a kiss on him, stunning the higher troll. They embrace tenderly as they flip to red, the same red that is painting your cheeks.

You turn off the movie and slap scared hands over your blushing, damp face. You....had not remembered that scene. _Fuck_. That was romantic and fucking sweet and just....too much like what had happened to you tonight.

You decide to screw anxiety and try to get some goddamned sleep.


	5. To bed

The recuperacoon, like many things in your life, is oversized and reinforced. You gingerly lower into it, sighing as the viscous slime rolled over you. You were so tired. Not physically, of course, but your mind and heart have been taxed to their limits.

As you close your eyes and sink into the fluid, you resolve to have a feelings jam with Nepeta when you wake.


	6. Unwarranted Thoughts

You grimace at the sticky, lukewarmness of the sopor as you half-fall into the recuperacoon. You’ve never really liked sleeping in these things. You rub your stinging shoulder and temple and try to relax.

Sleep doesn’t come.

Your mind is abuzz with everything that’s happened in the last few hours, without the soothing drone of quality cinema to block it. It’s not the first time you’ve been found out, unfortunately. But never by anyone so strong or high, and never by more than one person. You would have been fucked in more than one way if Zahhak hadn’t come along.

Loathe as you are to admit it, you’re grateful to him.

Aaaand your mind switches over to thoughts of the sweaty blueblood, what the hell.


	7. Slumber

Your tiredness quickly absolves into rest.


	8. Incoherence

Fuck, now you’re even _more_ wired. Your eyes snap open as you grip the edge of the ‘coon, tempted to smack your forehead into it until the stupid thoughts go away. The scene from the movie plays out again, this time starring a different cast.

Fuck, no. You don’t even come up to the gigantic freak’s armpit. A brief image of you gripping the front of his shirt, legs dangling as you try to plant a red one on him....no, it’s fucking ridiculous.

You try to go over the all-too-familiar list of what makes Equius Zahhak so - platonically - hateable. He’s a sweaty asshole. He’s bloodist to the extreme. Every other comment involves some mention of the hemospectrum or strength. No wonder the only person who can stand him is an autistic cave girl.

He builds creepy robots and stares at people. He breaks everything he touches. He can never join the career he’s dreamed of since wigglerhood because he’s too fucking strong. Wait, fuck, no this is sounding too much like pity.

And you can’t keep the pitying thoughts out after tonight, can you? He tries to champion a code of morals that no one of his caste will follow. He’s able to forget the spectrum in order to help someone who wasn’t worth it. You can’t remember him ever being violent towards someone who didn’t deserve it, and often not even then. Everything he builds, he accidentally destroys. He probably can’t even hug his moirail....fuck, you are _not_ going to cry again. You’ve lost enough fluid tonight.

But the second - _muted, short-term, utterly fucking ridiculous_ \- bout of sobs - no, fuck, it’s the third isn’t it - of the night finally exhausts you.

You sink into sleep.


	9. Introspection

You wake thinking of Karkat Vantas.

It is neither the aftereffects of a dream nor the remainder of the thoughts of the morning; he is simply the first thing on your mind when you awoke.

You rest your crossed forearms on the edge of the sleeping chamber, idly turning over thoughts of the now-recognized mutant. You never liked him, even to an extent - platonicowlly - hating him. His crassness, his tendency to swear in a manner inexcusable of even the lowest blooded- you strike that from you mind, as he is obviously not....

Not what? He can’t really be categorized, can he? He is an anomaly.

A very sad anomaly. How long has he spent in fear, terror at the barest scratch or moment of weakness, a faint blush or sob giving him away? He did not act like that was the first occasion upon which he had been found out - the first time he had had to....trade, for his secret.

He must be very strong, you realize - any one who had discovered his color would be dead by now. There’s no way he could have afforded for them to live.

You sink down onto your arms, only to jolt upright - and crack the recuperacoon - with the realization of how close to pity these thoughts are.

No. No, no. He is pitiful, to be sure, but not - no. You....prefer to be dominated by those far above you in color, or possibly strong-willed redbloods and oh dear this is not helping.

You decide on a cold shower before messaging Nepeta.


	10. Paranoid Plots

You snap awake with the paranoia of someone who doesn’t remember falling asleep. Mainly because that’s exactly what you are.

Your lusus clicks at you curiously from the doorway. “No, fuck,” you mumble groggily, “I’m not in the fucking mood for grief.” You’re tempted to try to slip back into sleep, but the insistent growls and snaps finally induce you to drag yourself out of the recuperacoon and feed the lazy bastard.

You sit at the table and chew despondently on some rations while your stupid lusus gulps roe cubes. You feel burnt out and shaky, that weird kind of hollowness where no amount of food or water helps.

And you’re still....fuck, you’re still scared. Getting found out is like an adrenal high that won’t go away until the wound heals and the witness....can’t witness anything. You don’t know if you _can_ come down from a situation like this.

You trudge up to your hygieneblock and step into the vertical water sprinkling appartus, numbly aware that you’ll have to clean slime off of the table and chair afterwards. As hot fluid beats some of the exhaustion out of you, you find yourself formulating a truly stupid idea.


	11. :33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it becomes obvious that I cannot write dialogue for this fic.

Okay, I simply CANNOT get Nepeta's typequirk to fully show, just pretend that it's there, please?  
\--------------------

CT: D --> Nepeta, I am in need of your assistance  
AC: :33 sure, equius! how can i help?  
CT: D --> Erm  
AC: :33 ?  
CT: D --> I realize only now that this is a somewhat  
CT: D --> Sensitive  
CT: D --> Subject  
CT: D --> Considering your former feelings  
AC: :|| *ac runs a paw ofur her ear in confursion*  
CT: D --> Regarding  
CT: D --> Vantas  
AC: :OO *ac is surpurrised to hear her meowrail mention karkitty!*  
AC: :?? *she wonder what this is about*  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Last night, I  
CT: D --> Came across  
CT: D --> Vantas in a  
CT: D --> Difficult situation  
CT: D --> In the end I may have  
CT: D --> Helped him  
AC: :33 i smell romance!  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> That is  
AC: :33 h33 h33! i have to get my paint!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Anyway that is not what this is about  
CT: D --> Er  
CT: D --> Not entirely, anyway  
AC: :DD i knew it! a shipurr’s nose is the k33nest!  
CT: D --> Nepeta, please  
AC: :33 *ac dutifurlly settles down to listen to her meowrail*  
CT: D --> Could we, perhaps  
CT: D --> Discuss such emo%ions  
CT: D --> Perhaps whilst sitting on piles  
CT: D --> Of various articles  
CT: D --> As may be found in our respiteblo%

You’re certain you heard a squeal from here.


	12. Crabby Kitty

You sigh and log in. This going to be....fun.

CG: HEY, CAVE GIRL.  
CG: UGH, SORRY.  
CG: FUCKING PAST ME  
AC: :33 karkitty!!  
CG: UM.  
CG: HI.  
CG: I NEED  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK IT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 7:17

AC: :((

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 7:18

AC: :33 you’re back!  
CG: YEAH, I  
CG:  
CG: GODFUCKINGDAMMIT  
AC: :oo ?  
CG: THE GRAY CRAB  
CG: NO WAIT  
CG: *THE GRAY CRAB SCUTTLES UP TO THE PROUD LIONESS.*

You swear you heard a fucking squeal from here.

AC: :DD *the lofurly lioness glances down at the crustcean, her eyes alight with furiosity*  
AC: :// *curiosity  
CG: YEAH, THAT ONE KIND OF SUCKED.  
CG: I MEAN.  
CG: *THE CRAB WONDERS IF HE COULD TALK TO THE LIONESS ABOUT THE MATTER OF A CERTAIN  
CG: *A CERTAIN  
CG: *A CERTAIN HOOFBEAST.*

OW _JEGUS **FUCK**_ you definitely heard that one.

AC: :33 *the purrilous feline rests her chin on her paw and smiles deviously at the crab with both mouths*  
AC: :33 *purrhaps, she says*

Oh god, what have you gotten yourself into.


	13. Turnarounds

AC: :33 so you’re f33ling a little pity for karkitty then?  
CT: D --> Platonic pity  
CT: D --> Nothing more  
AC: :33 *ac waits patiently for the other foot-covering device to fall*  
CT: D -->  
CT: D -->  
CT: D --> At the moment  
AC: :33 h33 h33! i knew it!  
AC: :33 i’m so glad fur you!  
AC: :33 and just so you know, no, i don’t fur33l like that for karkitty anymore.  
AC: :33 that was a sw33p ago, you know!  
CT: D --> I’m glad  
CT: D --> He is not worthy of  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> I  
AC: :33 *ac pats the strong stallion comfurtingly for she knows how confursing red felines can be*  
CT: D --> I don’t even know if it’s red  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> I would never  
CT: D --> EVER  
CT: D --> Give you up  
CT: D --> But....  
AC: :33 aw, it’s okay equius! any kind of romantic f33ling can be confursing, especially if you’ve nefur thought of them that way befur!  
AC: :[[ but on that note, i have to ask about....other fur33lings of yours, that never seem like that got wrapped up....  
CT: D --> If you are referring to Aradia, then I am  
CT: D --> Perhaps not completely over her  
CT: D --> But aware that her only feelings for me will ever be caliginous  
AC: :((  
CT: D --> I am fine, Nepeta, don’t worry  
CT: D --> Thank you for this  
AC: :33 aww, what are meowrails for?  
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> Also, thank you for not prying into...  
CT: D --> You know  
AC: :33 of course! i would nefur make you betray your convictions.  
AC: :oo even if blood color doesn’t matter to me.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
AC:  
*diamond*  
CT:  
*diamond*  
CT: D --> Well then...  
AC: :33 karkitty was asking about you.  
CT: D --> What  
AC: :33 h33 h33 h33!  
CT: D --> Nepeta  
AC: :33 don’t worry!  
AC: :33 you’ll s33 soon.  
CT: D --> See what

arsenicCatnip has absconded the fuck out of here

CT: D --> Darn

Your answer comes not too much later. You are working on a part for your latest creation, moonlight streaming in through the windows, when your computer alerts you to a new message.

You check it.

You double take.

CG: HEY FUCKTARD  
CG: OH GOD THAT’D BE JUST MY FUCKING LUCK WOULDN’T IT.  
CT: D --> Vantas  
CT: D --> What do you want  
CG: OH, THANK FUCK.  
CG: TELL ME YOU’RE HOME RIGHT NOW.  
CT: D --> What does that  
CG: YES OR NO GODDAMMIT.  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> I am in my hive  
CG: WELL GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE AND LET ME IN THEN  
CT: D --> What

You look out the window.

Karkat Vantas, hunched over a cheap husktop and wrapped in an unseasonable coat, glares back up at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ignore the terribleness of the dialogue and lack of typequirk.
> 
> *diamond* is written out because AO3 deletes it otherwise

**Author's Note:**

> Was unsure whether or not to post each perspective as a different fic, in the end went with doing it chapter by chapter.


End file.
